My season of rest lasted a little longer than I anticipated, however I let it happen naturally and attempted not to interfere. While it was good for my soul, it has not been good for my waistline. I had not been eating terribly (though not always so great), but mainly I hadn’t been moving my body. My ‘comfort cushion’ as I call it, only really bothers me for the fact that I’m not taking care of myself physically. And – okay, I’ll admit it – I don’t comfortably fit into jeans I was able to wear 6 months ago. It’s just 10 pounds, but I’ve definitely noticed it.
In June I started trying to take a daily walk. While I’m turning 40 here shortly, my body has been beat up from years of sports so I’m trying to take it easy on the old girl. My walks vary anywhere from 2.5-4.5 miles depending on the time I have and the temperature. I also downloaded the Couch to 5k app and got back into that with my first run/walk this evening.
It was refreshing as I started tonight to again realize that despite what the scale or my pants say, I have already lost weight – the toxic weight of a narcissistic, abusive ‘partner.’ I’m working out to increase my energy and happiness – not because I’m constantly being ridiculed for what I eat or how much I weigh. This workout is solely for me – not as defensive act to get another day of peace from that particular verbal/emotional attack.
I’m not training for anything. I’m not looking to be the next Beach Body model. I don’t even have a goal weight. I just want to feel good…and maybe not have to buy new pants (unless they are falling off). Those closest to me don’t care how much I weigh – they just want me to be happy. They like me for me, and they support me no matter what, and in whatever endeavor I take on. I see this as an unofficial Stage 2 of my healing and future – further taking care of myself inside and out.
I’m pulling my workout motto from the Beastie Boys song of the same title as this post – because it’s not only perfect, but I also have it stuck in my head:
We need body rockin’, not perfection
Refreshingly Honest 